Julian Voss, The BDSM Events Page

Pet Play Unleashed: A Beginner’s Guide to Roles, Gear, and Building Connection

Leave a Comment / Roleplay & Fetishes / Julian Voss

Ever fantasize about being able to throw your everyday routine out the window and completely submit to a fun, playful world-one where you can let go of all control, or even have all the control? For many, pet play is that kind of haven. Whether you desire to act out as an impish pup, pampered kitten, or proud pony, the world of pet play holds an outlet for self-expression, release, and interaction. Recently, pet play has gained favor in popularity among the BDSM scene, but you really don’t have to be deep into kink to enjoy this. Essentially, pet play is about getting into an animal character for fun, relaxation, or just to reinforce your relationship with a partner. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty and see why this rather unusual roleplay dynamic has won the hearts of so many. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents What is pet play? Pet play is a type of roleplay in which one or multiple persons assume the role of an animal, in most instances a domesticated creature, such as a dog or cat, though more exotic animals like wolves and ponies are also popular. It frequently involves aspects of power exchange, however, pet play can be as light or intense as you and your partner wish to engage in. The first time I came upon the idea of pet play, I was mostly intrigued by how deeply immersive it could be. The idea of completely adopting another identity, that of the pup, with nothing to care for or be responsible about, felt like a fantastic way to discharge tension. This was not about being “in control” or “out of control,” but an exploration of freedom and trust in another way. The “pet” usually plays the animal they are being, crawling on all fours, barking, purring, or play-fighting, while the partner plays the role of owner or handler, doling out care, discipline, or affection as the situation demands. The play can be sexual or nonsexual, depending on the players involved, and can be one-on-one in private or in a social situation, such as a BDSM event. But the most important thing about pet play? It’s all about bonding, trust, and fun. Be it dominant or submissive, be it a different side of one’s self-one can find accommodation in the world of pet play. The Psychological Dynamics of Pet Play For many, it goes way beyond acting out as an animal. It is considered an emotional and, even more so, a psychological type of release. Consider how much stress we are under each day: deadlines, responsibilities, endless lists of things to do. Pet play gives you the ability to step out of those roles and into a simpler existence in which your only responsibility is to give into instinct and live in the moment. Within the BDSM world, you’d have heard of “subspace,” that area in the mind wherein the submissive becomes so entranced with the dynamic between themselves and their dominant that they lose track of time and all external distractions. Similarly, pet players experience something called “pet space.” It’s that feeling of total immersion whereby you really let yourself be your animal of choice, letting go of human worries and embracing the freedom that comes with being a pet. The idea behind pet play could also strengthen the emotional bond between partners. For example, in dominant-submissive relationships, the aspect of pet play introduces a deeper layer of trusting and, at the same time, being vulnerable. This is where the sub-a.k.a. the pet-needs to learn dependence upon guidance and care from their dominant, also known as the owner, while the dominant accepts responsibility for retaining that hard-earned trust by giving structure. Whether you are exploring this dynamic for the first time or it’s an established part of your relationship, pet play can enhance emotional connection in ways that may be new and exciting. Common Roles within Pet Play One of the most interesting things about pet play is the myriad of roles one could take up during the act. Although most people who think of pet play would immediately connect the idea with the submissive role of being the “pet,” there are multiple kinds of roles involved in this kink, which makes it quite versatile and personal. Submissive Pet The most common role, that of a submissive pet, is very much one of giving up control and giving oneself over to one’s animal instincts. Whether a puppy, full of play; a kitten, curious and mischievous; or even a pony, proud and tall, success in this role is completely about fully embracing your inner animal. Many pets are submissive and love praise, nurturing, and attention from their masters. I find that being a submissive puppy-the simplicity of only needing to execute simple tasks, such as fetch, or being a pet-really helped me connect to my partner. Owner/Handler The owner can be dominant in leading and taking care of the pet. Such a role is nurturing and controlling for the pet’s good while at the same time reinforcing obedience to certain rules and boundaries. Owners are able to give commands, show affection, and when necessary, punish disobedience through sanctions or restrictions. From personal experience, engaging in the role of a handler gave me the sense of responsibility and control, knowing my partner was entrusting me with their experience. Trainer A trainer would stress teaching and molding behavior in the pet, thus taking on a somewhat more formal role than a general owner. They introduce commands, tricks, and skills that will allow the pet to develop their persona. This position is best filled by one who enjoys the aspect of teaching as well as disciplining his partner in a positive, rewarding method. Alpha Pet Others are top dogs and act as an alpha pet. Although they may still be submissive to

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a woman in a hat holding handcuffs signifying total power exchange

Mastering 24/7 Total Power Exchange: A Guide to Thriving in TPE Relationship

Leave a Comment / Power Exchange Dynamics / Julian Voss

Ever wonder what it’s like to live in a Total Power Exchange relationship full-time? If you’re here, perhaps you are either a Dominant or a sub considering making your dynamic a 24/7 lifestyle. Maybe you have heard of TPE and are not quite sure if it is for you, or perhaps you are already dabbling in it and looking for some guidance. Either way, I am excited to share what I have learned on my own BDSM journey so far. What is Total Power Exchange? The basics are thus: TPE is the abbreviation for Total Power Exchange, and the very core of it is that one partner voluntarily surrenders all power and control to another partner, called the Dominant. Sounds pretty intense, right? It can be, but with intensity comes great trust, commitment, and satisfaction. What often distinguishes TPE from other BDSM relationships is that this usually is a 24/7 arrangement, meaning the Dominant has full control over the submissive at any time and not necessarily just during scenes or playtime. Within a healthy TPE dynamic, this exchange of power is consensual, fulfilling for both partners, and based on trusting one another. But, of course: TPE is not abuse. I can imagine on paper it would seem that way to the uninitiated outsider who doesn’t understand the dynamics involved in BDSM. The beautiful difference here is that the submissive voluntarily surrenders power, and trust and respect form the foundation of that relationship. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents Why TPE? For whom? Not everyone will be into TPE, and that is totally OK. On the other hand, if the idea of giving or taking total control turns you on, then TPE could be that deep, overwhelming connection one seeks. I didn’t know that TPE was an option when I entered the BDSM lifestyle. In many ways, as my relationship deepened with my Dom, we naturally gravitated in that direction. For me, TPE offered a sense of belonging and security that I didn’t even know I needed. It made me feel safe, cared for, and understood on a whole new level. But trust me-getting there wasn’t easy. Before you start, ask yourself: Do I implicitly trust my partner? Am I safe with them, both emotionally and physically? Do they treat me with respect, and can I envision that dynamic bettering our lives? If the answer to any of those is “no,” take a step back. Rushing headlong into a TPE dynamic without complete trust can be dangerous. TPE Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All No two TPE relationships are exactly alike. What may work in one relationship does not necessarily work for the other, and that is truly one of the beautiful things about it. An example could be that in your relationship, your Dom controls certain parts of your life, such as your routines, the clothes you wear, and even the finances. You can agree that you will still have some freedoms, though, and can state your opinions-it’s a balance you’ll have to agree upon. Here are some common examples of what TPE might look like in real life practice: Financial Management: Everything from managing the money to financial decisions on its expenditure to household budgeting is under the control of Dom. Decisions on Everyday Activities: From what the submissive wears to what they eat, Dom may have complete control over life. Sexual: The frequency and manner in which the submissive is used sexually, including when and how intimate moments are scheduled, can be under the control of Dom. Setting Rules and Consequences: Dominant sets rules that the submissive must follow. In case of a violation, these rules will have some sort of consequences: the punishments. The TPE Relationship Online: Is It Possible? Of course! While it may not be as encompassing as an in-person TPE dynamic, online TPE relationships can work. It all comes back to attitude and mindset. Even while your Dom is not physically with you, they can still guide your life and control many aspects through constant communication, task setting, and instructions. When I was in a long-distance TPE relationship with my Dom, we incorporated elements like check-ins, scheduled tasks, and frequent communication to keep the dynamic strong. It wasn’t easy, but it worked for us. If you’re in an online TPE dynamic, be creative and flexible with how you maintain that connection. Do You Need a Contract for Total Power Exchange? A written contract would seem so superfluous in a relationship where the Dom is in power, but I’m a great believer in a TPE contract. Why? Because it lays everything out clearly from the start. While a TPE contract wouldn’t cover safewords and limits, necessarily, it can entail expectations, responsibilities, and goals. My contract with my Dom entailed things such as daily tasks, which behaviors I will uphold, and what areas of my life he controls. It might sound so formal, but to me, having a contract really allows it to strengthen the relationship by eradicating confusion and setting boundaries. It is not about restriction; it is about trust and transparency. Applicatory Tips on How to Thrive in a TPE Relationship Building Trust Slowly: A 24/7 TPE should not be rushed into. You can start off by only having a power exchange with your partner at certain times of the day or perhaps in particular aspects of life. Communicate Openly: The fact that you’re in a TPE dynamic doesn’t mean that communications stop. The key to any relationship, really, is the importance of regular check-ins, allowing both partners to feel satisfied and secure. Set clear boundaries: Yes, even in TPE, boundaries are crucial. What parts of your life are you comfortable giving up to your partner, and where would the buck stop? Discuss this with him before an overall commitment. Know Thine Identity: Being a submissive within the TPE does not have to mean

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A Master’s Complete Guide Through Submissive Slave Training

Leave a Comment / Power Exchange Dynamics / Julian Voss

Slave Training-Getting it Right from the Start If you are interested in BDSM and the idea of Master/slave training, this is for you. Having been in the community for several years now, one of the things I have found most enriching on an emotional and sexual level is the connection they are able to create through training. It is much more than commands and obedience; rather, it’s a journey two people embark on together in trusting, in power, and growing. This is a resource for people of any gender and orientation to learn about the Master/slave dynamic. Whether a complete novice or wanting to hone one’s skills, I will guide one through the steps on how to create a healthy and fulfilling BDSM relationship. And remember, all this is based upon one important thing: consent and communication. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents What is BDSM Slave Training? What is slave training, then? A slave is a person who, in the context of BDSM, voluntarily submits himself or herself into an exchange of power with his or her Master, where he or she will follow certain rules and regulations that are set upon them. This is the training given by the Master to the submissive on how to act, how to serve, and how to please them. When I came into the scene, I thought that slave training would always have to be so formal and rigid. In reality, it is just as much about emotional connection as the physical aspects of submission; a structured method for both partners to build trust in each other and to create a dynamic they want. The Importance of Consent and Communication And that’s why, before diving into any rules or rituals, let me get down to business with what is most important in the world of BDSM: consent and communication. I really can’t emphasize it any more-you can’t have a healthy dynamic with constant, clear-cut communication about boundaries, desires, and limits. The first submissive partner I ever had, we spent hours just talking about what we each wanted out of the relationship. We settled on hard limits-things that are entirely out of bounds, no questions asked-soft limits-things we’d try with caution-and general wants. We also checked in with each other pretty regularly. We would even sometimes take breaks for a sit-down talk of how things were going, and it really helped us grow stronger as partners. Designing Your Ideal Master/Slave Dynamic What kind of relationship do you want? That is the first question a person should ask themselves as they contemplate slave training. There are so many different ways to approach a BDSM relationship, and no two dynamics alike. You get to create what type of relationship will work best for both of you. Here are a few options: Domestic slave: An arrangement where the submissive is expected to perform household chores like cleaning, cooking, and organizing, always attending to their Master. Sex slave: Here, in this kind of relationship, the submissive person serves mainly for sexual purposes, readily available at all times for their Master’s fulfillment. Kajira or Gorean slave: This would include various domestic and sexual services. Inspired by the series of novels called Gor, this represents a more formalized power exchange. Early on, my partner and I favored a mix of domestic and sexual duties. We had a few low protocol rules around the house, like him meeting me at the door, falling to one knee, and asking permission to sit beside me. Outside, though, we did much more casually. Such flexibility in the rules made everyday life easier to adapt to while keeping our dynamic intact. Establishing Rules, Duties, and Rituals Once you’ve found your dynamic, it’s time to create some rules and responsibilities. And let me tell you, this can be a lot of fun and so very satisfying. My submissive and I, when creating rules, included things that would be beneficial to our dynamic, like serving meals, doing household chores, and performing certain sexual duties. That gave us both structure and purpose.Here’s how we came up with some of the basic rules: General rule: My submissive wasn’t allowed to make decisions in public without my approval, such as ordering their food or choosing where we sat. Sexual rule: My submissive would always ask permission to touch me or themselves before sex. Household duty: My submissive did all cleaning and tidying of my home as a part of service.We also had rituals, such as them presenting themselves to me in a certain position before retiring for the night. The rituals helped us both stay put in our roles and reminded us about the exchange of powers. Development of a Slave Contract You might ask, why a contract? The truthful answer is that it is not legally binding in nature; more so, it is a kind of solid foundation based on expectations, limits, and objectives that you have both agreed to. A slave contract is used more to refer to a point that helps guide both parties to keep being responsible to the dynamic constructed. When my partner and I wrote up our contract, we made sure it was simple but specific. We outlined the responsibilities, our decided protocols of actions, and consequences for any misbehavior. It wasn’t to do with control in the negative sense but rather to do with clarity and understanding between us both. Punishments and Discipline: Behavior Modification One of the most common queries or questions that pop up is, “How do I punish my submissive when they make a mistake?” The thing to remember here is that punishment is never intended to be cruel or abusive; it is supposed to correct behavior and reinforce the dynamic.The most effective punishments I have found are: Verbal reprimands: Sometimes, letting my submissive know that I am disappointed serves to rein them in.

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50 Dirty Talk Phrases to Bring Out His Dominant Side

Leave a Comment / BDSM Relationship Advise / Julian Voss

I’ll admit, the first time I tried dirty talk, it felt a little awkward. But once I realized how it could enhance the experience, I embraced it. And guess what? It worked! If you want to encourage your partner to take charge in the bedroom, I’ve got 50 dirty talk phrases that can help. These phrases are designed to build anticipation, spark desire, and create that perfect balance of dominance and submission. Plus, I’ll share some tips on how to use them, so you feel confident trying this yourself. Here are 50 phrases, divided into categories that make it easy to introduce in your relationship. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents Phrases that Encourage Assertiveness These phrases invite your partner to take control and be more assertive without overwhelming them. They’re perfect for setting the tone and letting your partner know you want them to lead. “I love it when you pin me down so I can’t move.” “Pull my hair, hard!” “I want you to take me however you want.” “Make me your plaything tonight.” “You can have me any way you want.” “Use me for your pleasure.” “Show me how strong you are.” “You’re in control now.” “I love it when you get rough with me.” “Take what’s yours.” Phrases that Highlight Your Submission Letting your partner know you’re ready to submit can be incredibly hot and emotionally satisfying. These phrases help you express that desire. “I want to be your good girl.” “Can you tie me to the bed? I want to feel your power.” “I need to feel your weight on top of me.” “I want to get down on my knees and serve you.” “You own my body. Use me however you please.” “Is that the best you’ve got? I want you to really take me.” “I love it when you come inside me. It makes me feel like I’m yours.” “Dominate me. I need you.” “Do whatever you want to me. I’m yours.” “I’ve been a bad girl today. I need you to spank the naughty out of me.” Phrases for Playful Teasing Sometimes, a little teasing throughout the day can build anticipation for what’s to come later. These phrases work great as texts, too! “I’ve been thinking about you all day. Can’t wait for you to take me tonight.” “You wouldn’t believe the things I want you to do to me.” “My body is aching for you.” “I want to be at your mercy.” “I’m all yours tonight.” “I’m waiting for you to tell me what to do.” “I need you inside me right now.” “Do you want me to be your little slut tonight?” “I’ve been such a naughty girl.” “I’m counting the minutes until you’re in charge.” Phrases that Emphasize Ownership This category reinforces the sense of your partner “owning” the experience and you submitting to their dominance. “You own my body tonight.” “I love being your little slut.” “I’m just your plaything tonight.” “Take me like I’m yours.” “I want to be your little whore.” “You can have me any way you want.” “My body is yours to control.” “I’m just here to please you.” “Make me beg for it.” “You have complete control over me tonight.” Phrases to Build Trust and Care Even in the heat of the moment, it’s important to make sure that both partners feel cared for and safe. These phrases can deepen that bond. “You make me feel safe.” “I love how strong you are, but you still take care of me.” “You’re the only one who knows how to handle me.” “I trust you completely.” “I love how you protect me, even when you’re in charge.” “I feel so safe when you’re in control.” “You’re the only one I trust to do this.” “I feel so connected to you when you take charge.” “You’re in control, and I love it.” “I love how much you care for me, even when you’re rough.” How to Use Dirty Talk Effectively If you’re new to dirty talk, it can feel a bit nerve-wracking at first. I totally get it—when I first tried it, I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right or if it would be well-received. But with a little practice and the right timing, it became a way to really enhance our connection. Here’s what I found helpful: Timing is Key: Start slow. You don’t have to go from zero to explicit right away. Introduce one or two phrases, either during sex or as a playful text during the day. Read Their Response: Pay attention to your partner’s reaction. Are they responding positively? Does their body language show they’re into it? These cues can help you gauge if you should keep going or dial it back. Make It Your Own: If a phrase feels too intense or doesn’t quite fit your relationship dynamic, tweak it! You don’t have to use any of these word-for-word. Adjust them so they feel natural to you and your partner. Building Anticipation with Dirty Texts One of my favorite ways to get the anticipation going is by sending texts throughout the day. You’d be amazed how a simple message like, “I can’t stop thinking about what you’re going to do to me later,” can set the mood for the whole evening. Here are a few more text-friendly phrases: “I can’t wait for you to have your way with me tonight.” “I’ve been thinking about you all day.” “Are you going to make me beg for it later?” “I’m ready to be dominated as soon as you walk through the door.” Communicating and Setting Boundaries in a Dom/Sub Dynamic Dirty talk can be powerful, but it’s essential to always check in with your partner. Before you try something new, have an open conversation about what you both enjoy and where your boundaries are. In my

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An authoritative man with a whip representing a Daddy Dom

Unveiling the Daddy Dom Dynamic: Understanding and Embracing the Power Exchange in BDSM

Leave a Comment / Uncategorized / Julian Voss

I’ve always found defining anything to do with BDSM quite tricky, but defining something like the Daddy Dom dynamic-the most difficult. After all, we each come into this lifestyle with different wants, needs, and experiences that shape who and what we are and how we relate to others. That being said, let me take you through what I know about Daddy Doms through communications within the community. Buckle up, because this is a judgment-free zone! Whether one is a curious newbie or has been exposed to BDSM already, let’s dive right in and explore what makes Daddy Doms such an intriguing and rewarding subset of Dominance and submission-or, for shorthand, the D/s world. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents What Is a Daddy Dom? A Daddy Dom, in short, is that person who is going to play the parent role of nurturer, protector, and caretaker in a BDSM dynamic. Now, I know what a lot of people might be thinking-Does this somehow involve age play, or something obscene? Let’s get one thing straight right from the start: Daddy Doms have absolutely nothing to do with pedophilia, and submissives who identify as littles or babygirls aren’t trying to be children. It’s a consensual power exchange between adults where one takes on a caring role, and the other feels safe enough to be vulnerable. In my experience, this is a space in which both partners feel looked after and seen within the Daddy Dom dynamic. Whether it is a reminder for a mental health check-in or to give you a good cuddle after a bad day, this can be just as emotionally satisfying as it is erotic. Misconceptions About Daddy Doms There’s no shortage of misconceptions regarding Daddy Doms, and I’ve heard most of them! As mentioned above, one very common misconception is that dynamics revolving around this kind of relationship are somehow dark or predatory. Let me reassure you again, it’s actually the complete opposite. Daddy Doms focus on emotional support, respect, and creating a structure that benefits both people involved. Here’s a common scenario: You have had a very long, exhausting day, and your Daddy Dom sees you start to unravel. Instead of demanding strict protocol, he may say, “Let’s cuddle with your favorite stuffed animal or just have a quiet evening of watching your comfort shows together.“ In this case, the daddy-dom knows when to be strict and when to be soft-a balance that makes these dynamics so special. Pro Tip: If you are curious about trying this dynamic, it is all about communication. You overtly communicate to your partner what you want in the relationship. And you can start with little things, like calling each other nicknames, such as “babygirl” and “princess,” to help you get comfortable with the dynamic. The Role of Littles and Babygirls Littles, or babygirls, are usually submissives that enjoy being taken care of and sometimes like to delve into a more playful or childlike persona. This can mean they love things like coloring books, stuffed animals, or even having a bedtime that they have to be in-you know, yes, really! It is about being vulnerable with someone in a very safe space so the submissive can let loose the stress and responsibility and know their Daddy Dom will take care of them and protect them. What I find most often in a DD/lg relationship is that playfulness is as serious as discipline. For example, a Daddy Dom may plan activities like a “tea party” with their little, complete with stuffed animals and sippy cups, but also make sure that there are clear rules to help further emotional and personal growth. Activity Idea: Make time to play together or read a bedtime story. Emotional Support and Play in DD Relationships One of my most favorite aspects of the Daddy Dom role is the emotional support that comes along with it. A Daddy Dom is so much more than a disciplinarian; they’re one source of comfort and security. Cuddling or talking your person through tough moments is just as important as the kinky side of things in any relationship. It’s all about providing an enabling space for both of you to thrive. Of course, a big part of this is the kink and the playfulness, too! There’s laughter during intimate moments, or shared jokes, maybe even playful spankings. You really don’t have to be serious all the time; after all, part of being a little means embracing that playful, innocent energy. For example, add in playful punishments, such as “If you break this rule, then you must watch a cute kitten video!” It is a light way of doing the structure without feeling too disciplinarian. Disobedience and Punishments Ah, misbehaving-a subject close to many little’s hearts! In some dynamics, there is always a thin line between sassy playfulness and true brattiness. Littles may pout or try to push boundaries, at which point Daddy Doms have a choice: let it slide, or make good on the rules. Many punishments within the DD/lg dynamic are not exactly punitive in nature but more to do with structure. The terms vary from time-outs to the revoking of privileges; however, the resultant effect would be for growth and development of the submissive. I have always felt that Daddy Doms don’t like punishments as much as their littles do, although sometimes it is necessary to keep things on an even keel. Activity Idea: Think of a behavior or chore chart where littles can earn small treats such as extra cuddle time or an outing of their desire. Inclusivity and Diversity within DD/lg Dynamics That said, I want to make sure to remind readers that this dynamic isn’t exclusive to heterosexual pairings or traditional gender roles. There are Mommy Doms, a couple of babyboys, and non-binary folks who engage in this type of dynamic, too. The same principles of nurturing, care,

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The Ultimate Guide to BDSM: Safety, Consent, and Exploration

Leave a Comment / BDSM Basics / Julian Voss

When I first dipped my toes into the world of BDSM, I knew darn well there was a lot more going on than anything I’d ever been shown in movies or read about in books. It is not just about the physical aspect; it is about trust, communication, and-most of all-safety. It can be a very enriching experience, but you have to approach it with care and curiosity, and-yes-an open mind. Whether one is brand new or looking to deepen one’s practice, this guide will walk you through how to engage with the basics of BDSM in a safe and consensual manner, along with encouraging self-discovery throughout the process. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents Safety First: Ensuring a Safe BDSM Experience In the art of BDSM, safe really means much more than merely avoiding physical harm. Safe is about creating an environment in which you and your partner feel respected, secure, and valued. The bedrock for that is first trust, then open communication, as derived from experience. Communication is the Key Before I do any scene, my partner and I will have a heart-to-heart about what we’re looking for. We discuss anything from desires to fears to boundaries. And let me tell you, having this conversation with him prior to the start of a scene-and while you are not in any power dynamic-makes all the difference. That’s where you get on equal footing and discuss what you’re comfortable with. For example, I once had a partner who was interested in rope bondage but anxious about restraint. We talked it through, established clear boundaries, and discussed safe words before we tried anything. Knowing we were on the same page allowed both of us to fully enjoy the experience. Setting Safe Words and Signals A safe word is always necessary in any BDSM play. It is a certain word usually decided upon by partners, so on hearing it, the other partner should know that everything he or she is doing should stop immediately. I have found the Traffic Light System was best because it was simpler to remember: “Red” for stop, “Yellow” for slow down or adjust, and “Green” for all’s good. But what if you are gagged or tied up and can’t say a thing? That’s when nonverbal gestures come in. It could be the dropping of a ball, a tap to your partner, but you must have something with which to communicate limits. Setting Boundaries One big part of BDSM is setting boundaries, and there are two kinds: hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits are things that are totally out of bounds-in my case, anything involving blood play-while soft limits are things one might be interested in trying over time, but only with lots of trust and care. My partner and I always discuss, before a scene, what our hard and soft limits are. In this case, at one point in time, needle play was a soft limit of one of my partners. It wasn’t something she wanted to immediately do; she did say over time and with the building of trust, she may become curious to try it out. Knowing that let me know where the boundary was and left room for future discussions. Understanding Safety Frameworks: RACK vs. SSC One of the first things you are most likely to hear with the learning of BDSM and a helpful concept to know early on is the safety frameworks. RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink RACK insists that an element of real risk involved with BDSM, therefore both participants should understand prior to moving forward. There is an informed consent given, in that both of the participants understand there is some sort of risk associated and agree to participate understanding what could go wrong. For example, when my partner and I were trying flogging for the first time, we made sure we both knew the possible risks-like bruising-and communicated our comfort levels clearly. Knowing that we were both aware and prepared made the experience even more fulfilling. SSC stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. On the other hand, SSC would concern itself with the assurance of safety as much as possible for the activities to be undertaken and sanity for all the persons concerned and full consent. Although the community is beginning to use more of RACK, I still apply SSC in most my guiding principles when trying something new. Aftercare: Reconnecting and Reflecting Post-Scene Aftercare is truly something that I didn’t appreciate until well into practicing BDSM. You and your partner are coming down from a lot of physical and emotional intensity after a scene. Aftercare helps ground both of you and makes sure you reconnect. Physical and Emotional Care After any impact play session-spanking included-I always do some kind of physical aftercare: lotioning any sore spots, cuddling, or even making sure my partner has water and snacks with them. I think emotional aftercare is just as important-having that post-scene conversation where you reassure one another and talk about how you’re both feeling. One of the most telling moments was when my partner slipped into subspace-a deep, trance-like state that submissives could achieve. Afterward, we took some time to talk about the experience, making sure that she felt safe, understood, and cared for. It brought us so much closer. Consent in BDSM: The Cornerstone of Trust Consent is, quite literally, everything in BDSM-it’s not a “yes/no” kind of thing; it’s an ongoing discussion. Informed, Enthusiastic, and Revocable Consent It is given without pressure and can be withdrawn at any time. Teasingly, I always check in throughout the scene, making sure everything still feels right for us both. If my partner wants to stop, we stop—no questions asked. For example, in one roleplay scene, my partner was in a submsomething, and though she consented to the activity beforehand, midway into it, she applied the

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What is Cockwarming? A Guide to This Unique BDSM Practice

Leave a Comment / BDSM Practices / Julian Voss

When I first learned about cockwarming, I was intrigued. There are so many layers to BDSM, and this was one of those practices that just seemed quieter, more intimate-almost a meditation. It’s not like the harsher aspects of BDSM, say, spanking or playing with rope, and that is what makes it so unique. If you’re unfamiliar with cock warming, don’t worry. At first, I hadn’t either, but it has grown into one of my favorite ways to connect with him. In this article, I’m going to take you through what cockwarming is, how I’ve applied it within my own dynamic, and how you can try it for yourself. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents What is Cockwarming? Put simply, cockwarming is when one partner holds another’s penis inside them-whether that be vagina, anus, or mouth-without motion or thrust. The operative word here is stillness. It’s not really about the sex as much as it is about connection. For me, cockwarming is a great way of staying present with my partner. The physical closeness of this act can be something that replaces the rush to sex, intimacy just in being with each other, the stillness speaking for itself. Cockwarming by Dominant Woman vs. Dominant Man There are different ways to approach cockwarming depending on who’s in control. In my experience, it can shift based on who’s taking the lead in the moment. Dominant Woman: I have been in positions where, while sitting and watching TV or even reading, my partner sits on my lap and holds me inside her. She’s in control, deciding if or when anything more will happen. Teasing, but in the best way. She loves watching me squirm, knowing I can’t do a thing unless she gives the green light. Dominant Man: By contrast, in my most dominant sessions, I stick my cock in her or her mouth and just stand still. It’s a light kind of power play. So, I can choose to escalate it more if I want to. There’s something so potent in just allowing the moment to hang there, holding the control without any active movement. Types of Cockwarming Once I began experimenting with cockwarming, I realized that, depending on the mood or dynamic we were in, there were different ways of enjoying it. Post-Sex Cockwarming: Immediately after an orgasm, all I wanted sometimes was to just remain connected. Instead of pulling out, I would just stay inside her as we lazily just lie around with each other. It’s like a cool-down while still having that touching intimacy. This sort of cockwarming feels comforting rather than sexual, almost as a means to extend the closeness we just made. On the other hand, the cockwarming before sex is the most fantastic tease. A few times, I’m hard as rock and ready to go, but instead of jumping into it, I hold still. She begs and asks me to move, but that’s the fun. The longer I hold out, the more anticipation builds up. It’s all about the control for me and the tease. Oral Cockwarming: For sure, this is one of my favorite things in the world. She takes me into her mouth and just holds me there without moving or actively trying to make me come. We may watch a movie or I work on my laptop and she kneels before me. There’s something so satisfying in that type of connection while focusing on other things. The Emotional and Psychological Appeal of Cockwarming Well, to me, cockwarming isn’t all about the act in itself. It’s emotionally and psychologically rewarding; that’s what makes it so appealing. For Submissives: When my partner is in a submissive headspace, cockwarming helps her slip into subspace. It is generally quiet and meditative for her to focus exclusively on being present with me. She has said it serves to calm her mind to the point of acting almost like a form of mindfulness. In some dynamics, especially DDLG relationships, cockwarming can act much like a form of comfort by using my body to comfort her. What really works for me with this position, from the perspective of a Dominant, is that it makes me feel in control without having to engage in overtly active behavior. I could lie back, perhaps read or browse my phone, knowing my partner was there serving me in her own small way. It was a subtle hint of the dynamic we shared-whereby I was in charge, yet I did not have to make a big show of that fact. Practical Advice to Try Cockwarming If you’re interested in cockwarming and you want to try it with your guy, here’s a few things that I have picked up along the way: Communication and consent: As with anything related to BDSM, it all begins with talking about it. I make it a point to ask my partner how she feels about the idea before actually trying it out. Talk about what each one of you desires from the experience-just staying connected after sex, or using it as foreplay or submission. Comfortable positions: With cockwarming, comfort is paramount, especially if one plans to maintain the position for a good amount of time. For post-sex cockwarming, spooning works best for us because it’s cozy, and both of us can just relax. If we do cockwarming while watching TV, she will often kneel in front of me or sit on my lap while I lounge on the couch. Find what works best for you, but make sure you’re both comfortable. Time and Duration: Personally, I don’t think there’s a certain timing when it comes to warming the cock. It could take five minutes, half an hour. Some days, we do it just for a few minutes prior to having sex, which heightens anticipation. Other days, we stay connected longer, especially after sex when we’re just relaxing together.

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How to Be a Pleasure Dom: Mastering the Art of Sensual Domination

Leave a Comment / Power Exchange Dynamics / Julian Voss

The first thing that comes into your mind when you think about BDSM could be rope bondage, strict rules, or maybe even the thrill of the pain. But then there’s this form of dominance that focuses on something a little more intimate and sensual-being a Pleasure Dom. So, this dynamic encompasses dominance with pleasure wherein lies the main aim: not of control, but to create these unforgettable, intimate moments of satisfaction for both. So let’s delve into what it means to be a Pleasure Dom and how one can master the art of sensual domination. WAIT ! Before you buy your next BDSM toy, check out our top 10 product recommendations: Click Here to See Our Top 10 BDSM Toy Picks Hey.. Table of Contents Understanding the Role of Pleasure Dom The core of being a Pleasure Dom is a dominant who puts their partner’s pleasure before anything else. There is no punishment here or a list of dos and don’ts, but one in which your sub feels valued, thoroughly turned on, and very connected. Think of it as leading your sub on a journey of pleasure through control, touch, and verbal cues-all of which are used to really heighten the experience. Unlike other forms of Doms, he would be more into rope play or sadism; a Pleasure Dom will focus on using dominance to heighten mutual pleasure. This dynamic works amazingly for couples who want to dip into power play but still want to keep the center of all experiences around pleasure and intimacy. Establishing Trust and Communication Any form of BDSM dynamic, especially the sensual ones, is built on a good base of trust and communication. Being a Pleasure Dom means knowing exactly what your partner enjoys and what their limits are; thus, open and honest conversations will be needed. Building Trust: It can be developed by discussing what both want to explore. Ask your partner about their fantasies, desires, and hard limits; it gives you a clue as to how you are going to shape yourself into their Pleasure Dom. What really surprised me when I first looked into the dynamic was just how my partner and I would be much more connected once we had some idea of what the other’s boundaries were. Trust will be built over time, but at the beginning especially, make sure it is something always held dear. Communication Tips: Always discuss what you are going to do before any scene. Some great examples would be things like, “Do you like to engage in sensory play?” or “How are you with restraint?” This way, you can tailor every scene exactly to your partner to make it much more pleasurable for the both of you. Safe words or signals are also something very important in case your partner needs a break or wishes to stop. From personal experience, checking in during a scene itself brings a lot of communication therein. Simple words like “How does this feel?” or “Do you want more of that?” keep the scene consensual and pleasurable to both parties. Setting the Scene Sensually Sensual domination lives off atmosphere. The nature of being a Pleasure Dom is not just in what you are doing, but also in how it is done. Setting the right tone can make even a simple scene surreal. Setting the Scene: First and foremost, sensual domination creates an atmosphere that will stimulate your partner’s senses. It could be as basic as turning off the lights and playing soft music or utilizing scented candles for multi-sensory stimulation. When I first started adding bits of sensory stimulation, I was amazed by how much more responsive my partner became to the atmosphere-the subtle changes in lighting or sound created anticipation, and every touch became a little bit more overwhelming. Tool and Toy Play: Tools and toys can really make scenes. Try working your way up with items that enhance sensation, such as blindfolds or silk restraints. You can also make big differences with sensory play using feathers, ice cubes, or massage oils. The idea behind this is to make your partner focus on every little touch or sound; it makes the experience even more immersive. For one thing, blindfolding your sub enhances their sense of touch; even a feather’s light touch can send electric strokes across their skin. Sensual Domination Techniques Let’s get down to brass tacks-what do you actually do as a Pleasure Dom? It’s all in your intention, not just within the activities themselves but in how you run those activities. You aren’t just playing with your partner; you’re leading them, dictating the pace and the intensity to ramp up their pleasure. Verbal Domination: Your voice can be an incredibly powerful tool. Set the tone with slow, deliberate commands or soft encouragement. Phrases like “You’re doing so well” or “I want to hear you beg for it” are powerfully effective. When I first explored verbal domination, I was amazed at how much more heightened the experience became. It was not only the physical sensations; it was more connected to how he responded to my voice in that moment. Physical Touch and Control: Being a Pleasure Dom involves mastering the physical control. That does not mean one must be rough-far from that. Use light restraints, feather-like touches, or firm direction to maintain your partner’s sense of being cared for and controlled. Perhaps start with simple things, such as tying your partner’s wrists with a silk scarf, and gently build up the touching level-first soft caresses, then firmer grasp-always paying close attention to your lover’s reaction. Timing and Pacing: The whole deal with sensual domination is about the timing. Take your time, and never hurry through any scene. Build up anticipation by considering both moments of stillness and abrupt, deliberated motion. Tease your sub to go near orgasm and then draw back so he might want your touch even more. Really, what I do in this respect is build up the pleasure of a partner roughly tenfold just

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Julian Voss

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