There is something rather intimate in dominating over text. Whether you are in a long-distance relationship or simply to keep the dynamic alive between play sessions, text-based domination can keep the fire going.
I’ve been in long-distance BDSM relationships myself, and while nothing beats the real thing, I found that when correctly applied, text-based play can be a powerful tool.
In this article, I share with you what I have learned-from setting boundaries to crafting the perfect command-to help you in maintaining control and desire with your submissive, no matter the distance.
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Table of Contents
Setting the Stage: Consent and Boundaries
Let’s talk about consent and boundaries, before that first dominant message is even sent. I recall when I first started exploring text-based domination with my partner, we sat down and really talked about what was okay and not okay with us both.
It isn’t something you want to gloss over; it is important to know what is and what isn’t acceptable before entering into this type of play.
The first thing I did was establish something of a “digital safe word.” Much like in real-life BDSM play, you want to have some sort of method for your submissive to hit pause if there’s something wrong. It could be as innocuous as them texting “pause” or “red light.”
In contrast, I established some boundaries for my own self. For instance, I communicated that after a certain hour of the night, I wasn’t going to be available to play because I needed time to wind down.
These things, although little, mean a great deal in creating a safe and enjoyable experience for both of you.
Building Emotional Connection: The Secret to Powerful Commands
Pretty early in the game, I learned something-you can’t simply say commands as if it’s in person.
Your words are going to draw power from a place of emotional and psychological connection with your submissive, so for me, this means it takes a bit of time to figure out my partner’s motivations and desires.
For instance, my partner really thrived on being service-oriented. So instead of some sort of generic command, I’d tell her something like, “When you get home tonight, I want you to make the bed perfectly, send me a picture, and then sit and wait for further instructions.”
It might sound boring to you, but for a submissive whose motivation lies in service, that is incredibly fulfilling. It’s not the task per se; it’s about knowing they’re pleasing you by completing it.
Structuring Your Play: Start Slow, Build Momentum
My first time with text-based domination started way too fast, and it was a complete failure. My partner wasn’t ready for such a thing, and the whole dynamic felt forced. So, take it from me-start off slow.
One good way to start off might be with simple, nonsexual tasks, sent first. Something as simple as a “good morning” text, coupled with a light command to set the tone for the rest of the day:
“When you wake up, I want you to send me a picture of yourself smiling.“
It’s small, but it sets the mood and gets your submissive right into the headspace. When you begin to see how they respond, you can gradually increase the intensity.
Pacing Your Commands According to Their Motivations
Let me let you in on a secret: within the multi-layered depths of text domination, it all depends on one’s cognizance of the submissive’s driving forces. So here are some examples of commands according to common motivations:
Service: “I want you to clean the kitchen before bed. Send me a picture of the spotless countertops when you’re done.”
Shame: “You’re going to wear something you would never wear in public, and I want you to masturbate in front of the mirror. Look at yourself the whole time.” Power: “I want you to wear that outfit I love and send me pictures of you on your knees before giving you your next instruction.”
Each command speaks to another part of the submissive’s psyche, making it an even more intense and personal experience. This is where knowing your submissive inside and out pays off. The more connected you are, the more powerful your commands will be.
Getting Creative with Non-Sexual Tasks
Sometimes, control and desire are best maintained through commands that aren’t sexual at all.
Of course, the world doesn’t start and stop in the bedroom. I like giving my submissive mundane tasks, such as “I want you to pick out my clothes for tomorrow,” because it keeps the dynamic going even when we are explicitly playing. It reinforces the power exchange and keeps them in that submissive headspace.
I also enjoy incorporating small surprises. For instance, I tell them to wear something particular underneath their clothes when they go about their day. It is our little secret, and it keeps that connection strong in case we’re in different places.
Handling Miscommunications and Resistance
Sometimes, control and desire are best maintained through commands that aren’t sexual at all.
Of course, the world doesn’t start and stop in the bedroom. I like giving my submissive mundane tasks, such as “I want you to pick out my clothes for tomorrow,” because it keeps the dynamic going even when we are explicitly playing. It reinforces the power exchange and keeps them in that submissive headspace.
I also enjoy incorporating small surprises.
For instance, I tell them to wear something particular underneath their clothes when they go about their day. It is our little secret, and it keeps that connection strong in case we’re in different places.
Let’s be real: Texting leaves a lot of room for miscommunication. There’s no body language, tone; things get lost in translation. I’ve been there. I once sent what I thought was a perfectly clear command only to have my submissive completely misinterpret it.
When this happens, the best thing you can do is take a deep breath, clarify, and then let it go. One misunderstanding doesn’t have to completely derail your dynamic.
Then, of course, there is resistance, which is magnified when you find yourself dealing with a brat. Oh, how Brats love to push back. It is all part of the fun. The art is to never take this personally and always be calm, cool, and in control.
Sometimes I will immediately banter back with something like, “I can wait all day until you decide to behave.” It’s playful but still sets the point that I am in charge.
Long-Term Growth: Deepening Your D/s Dynamic
As a priority, any text-based BDSM dynamic needs to check in with a partner every now and then to see how things are going. What’s working? What isn’t? What do we need to work on? I like taking the time every couple of weeks and talking about this, seeing what new things we can try based on what really gets your sub excited.
Conclusion: Keeping Control, Even From Afar
It’s not easy to maintain control and desire in a long-distance BDSM dynamic via text, but if you get it right, it’s so rewarding. It’s about emotional bonding, setting boundaries, and framing your commands around the motivations of the sub.
Communication is key no matter whether you’re only just starting or have been doing this for years. And trust me, once you find your rhythm, the distance won’t feel like such a barrier anymore.
Happy texting!
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