If you’ve ever had an intense BDSM scene, you know that the rush of emotions and sensations can be powerful.
The high you feel in subspace, the connection with your Dominant—it’s euphoric. But what happens when that high fades, leaving you feeling sad, drained, or even confused? That’s what we call sub drop, and trust me, it can catch you off guard.
The first time I experienced sub drop, I had no idea what was happening. One minute, I was floating on a cloud of endorphins, and the next, I felt lonely, exhausted, and disconnected. It was confusing and overwhelming.
But once I understood what was going on and learned how to manage it, everything became much easier to navigate. So, let’s dive into what sub drop is, why it happens, and, most importantly, how to manage it.
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Table of Contents
What is Sub Drop?
Sub drop is basically that physical and emotional crash some submissives go through once there has been an intense session of BDSM.
At times, it hits right after the scene finishes, while at times, it may hit a couple of days later. In one fell swoop, the euphoria of the scene drops, and you are left sad, anxious, or exhausted.
Of course, this does not happen to everyone, and for many, it happens once in a while. But once it does hit, it might feel pretty strong. Because sub drop is a natural response to your chemical highs experienced during BDSM play, this is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s something you can learn to manage with the right tools and a supportive partner.
Why Does Sub Drop Happen?
So, why does sub drop happen? In a scene, your body is filled with these chemicals that are going to make you feel amazing. The endorphins block pain and create pleasure while adrenaline gives you your energy and focus.
As soon as the scene is over, sometimes those chemicals can disappear very fast, putting your body in a sort of “hangover” position.
Think of it as coming down from an adrenaline rush-it’s a big emotional shift and is normal to feel off-balance. For me, it was confusing, and I was feeling vulnerable in such a way that something had gone wrong.
Once I realized it was merely the response of my body to such an explosive scene coming to an end, I knew how to manage it.
What Does Sub Drop Feel Like?
Sub drop can manifest differently in every individual. For me, it is usually a mix of emotional and physical exhaustion: I feel really tired, sometimes a little bit sad, and occasionally even irritable.
Other times, it’s more of this anxious feeling-like I’m disconnected with my partner or with the world that surrounds me.
Here go some common symptoms:
- Emotional: Sadness, anxiety, irritability, loneliness
- Physical: Fatigue, headache, soreness, general malaise
It is important to remember that, even though it may have the capacity to feel so overwhelming in those present moments, sub drop is temporary. Knowing how to recognize it is the first step toward being able to handle it adequately.
How to Prevent and Treat Sub Drop
The good news? Sub drop is both preventable and treatable. The key lies in aftercare. Aftercare refers to the process of attending to both physical and emotional needs following a scene. It’s something you and your partner need to discuss and plan together.
1. Prevention Through Aftercare
Aftercare is individual to each and every one of us, and it’s about making that transition back from the high of a scene as smooth as possible for both of you back to reality. For me, after an intense session of BDSM, I crave a mix of physical comfort and quiet time. My partner knows that cozy blanket, soft music, and space are the things included in aftercare for me.
Some people like to be cuddled or massaged afterward; others want to be left alone for a while. The key is to talk about it ahead of time with your partner and find what will work for both individuals.
Pro Tip: Make aftercare a part of your routine! Work it into your plan of action when planning playtime, so that you are ready to meet those needs, both emotional and physical, after an intense scene.
2. Create an Aftercare Kit
Having an aftercare kit definitely makes a world of difference. It’s more like a little box of comforts you go to afterward that help you down off that high a little bit more gently.
Mine includes a soft blanket, my favorite herbal tea, my journal, and sometimes even a favorite movie.
Here are some things you may want to consider for your own aftercare kit:
- Comfort Items: something to snuggle up in like a blanket, stuffed animal, or weighted blanket
- Relaxation Items: scented candles that have calming fragrances, soothing teas, comfort snacks.
- Entertainment: Something to read that will take the mind off anything stressful, or a soothing music playlist and an uplifting movie or other film.
- Recommended Products: If you’d like to start building your very own aftercare kit, I’d recommend getting a weighted blanket for comfort or this herbal tea blend to help you unwind post-scene.
3. Communication and Experimentation
What works for me might not work for you, and that’s completely okay. The most important thing to do is communicate with your partner and try different techniques of aftercare.
Maybe you need a long cuddle session, or perhaps you’d like some time to yourself where you can reflect on what happened. There is no right or wrong way to do aftercare, so long as it’s helping you feel grounded again.
I remember playing around with things until I realized that quiet time with a cup of tea was my cure for sub drop. By all means, yes, don’t be afraid to make adjustments in aftercare once one knows more about his or her needs.
Long-Term Effects and How to Manage Sub Drop
In most instances, this condition does not have lasting repercussions, but it certainly is no reason to be lackadaisical. Well, if you find that your sub drop is really intense or lingers for more than a day or two, it is worth having an open conversation with your partner. Sometimes, all one needs is just extra pampering or reassurance to feel themselves again.
Meanwhile, don’t forget the magic of self-care. Whenever I feel a drop is due soon, I take a long hot bath, put on my favorite playlist, or at least write down my feelings in my journal. All these little acts of self-care reset and speed up my recovery.
Conclusion
At first, sub drop can be overwhelming, though it does not have to interfere with one’s BDSM play if taken care of properly post-scenario and communicated. Be it cuddling with your Dominant, sipping your favorite tea, or just simply being in a quiet space, there are plenty of ways to manage and prevent sub drop.
Talk about aftercare if you’re confused, or how to be with sub drop with your partner, or start making your aftercare kit. BDSM is pleasure before, during, and after your scenes.
And don’t forget to check out our Best BDSM Toy Picks..