Being a good submissive is more than following orders or ticking off some checklist of tasks. Rather, it’s the meaningful and fulfilling dynamic a person develops with their Dominant, where trust, communication, and care flow freely between them.
Having been in this world for quite some time, I’ve come to know that it’s in the little, thoughtful acts that the deep connections can be found.
So, if you’re looking for ways on how to enrich your role as a sub and take the BDSM relationship to the next level, here are some practical real-life tips that have actually worked in my case.
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Table of Contents
Kindness and Empathy: Cornerstone of Any Good Submissive
When I came into the lifestyle, I thought that being submissive was about obedience. The more time went on, though, the more I realized that kindness and empathy are just as important. That is trying to be attuned with your Dominant’s emotional state and responding with some form of care.
For instance, one day my Dominant had a bad day at work, and though he never said a word, I could tell by his expression that he was really frustrated. Without being told to, I immediately ran him a hot bath and dimmed the lights to have a quiet night.
Little things such as these go a long way in showing you’re tuned into your Dominant’s needs-even when they don’t say so.
Practical Tip: Practice paying closer attention to your Dominant’s mood: is he stressed, calm, or excited? Allow those observations to drive your reactions-whether offering comfort or starting a fun scene.
Observation and Attentiveness: Anticipating Needs Without Being Told
One thing I’ve learned is that a good submissive does not always wait on instructions. Anticipating what your Dominant needs lets them know you are not passively waiting but part of the relationship.
For example, my Dominant loves to drink coffee every morning, and I noticed he just loved having it in a very particular way. I took the initiative and made his coffee exactly how he liked it, without him ever having to ask me.
It was our little ritual in a way, and it basically enforced the notion that I cared enough to remember those minute preferences.
Practical Tip: The next time it comes up in conversation that your Dominant has a favorite activity, hobby, or food, make a mental note and then surprise them sometime by initiating the activity yourself without being asked. It’s not only considerate, but a very effective bonding ritual.
Supporting Your Dominant: Not Just Blind Obedience
Submissive doesn’t mean always going through with what your Dominant says, and quite frankly, it means the opposite: being thoughtful and asking questions can help to make your dynamic stronger.
Once, my Dominant had this very ambitious idea to start a side project. I supported him, yet asked him in a gentle manner if he had considered how much of a time commitment it would be and how that might affect our relationship.
He appreciated that I thought of our long-term well-being, and it gave rise to a very fruitful conversation that actually brought us closer.
Practical Tip: Don’t be afraid to ask the deep questions if you feel that something may affect your dynamic. A good sub is supportive but also critically thinks through the health of the relationship.
Playfulness and Spontaneity: Bringing Fun into Your Dynamic
Submission does not have to be all serious at all times. It is also good to be playful, keeping the excitement alive in order to further strengthen a bond. I once recall how, instead of waiting for my Dominant to initiate a scene with me, I disobeyed one of his minor rules in a teasing manner.
What happened? The result was an unexpected, exhilarating scene which both of us quite enjoyed.
Practical Tip: Consider how you might bring some playfulness into your dynamic. Teasing disobedience, planning for a surprise scene-the playfulness keeps the dynamic fresh.
Emotional Intelligence: Recognizing and Responding to Bad Days
The most important thing when being a submissive is emotional intelligence. Your Dominant isn’t a robot; they have bad days, too.
One thing I’ve learned is that it is very important to recognize when my Dominant needs space or support. There have been those days when he would come home visibly tired, and instead of pushing for some playtime, I adjusted and suggested having a quiet evening together instead.
Practical Tip: Be aware of a Dominant’s emotional needs at all times. On rough days, it is just fine to be a source of comfort rather than a plaything. Flexibility and mutual care are part of a healthy dynamic.
Desire and Care: The Hallmarks of Submission
The heart of it is all about a want and care in submission. It is not about what you can get from your Dominant but rather what you truly wish to give.
For me, submission is not a chore; it’s a pleasure. I love the way my submission makes him feel powerful, but in that same thought it builds satisfaction in me that I am contributing to the dynamic.
Practical Tip: Pay attention to the dynamic in the balance between giving and taking. It should feel as rewarding to you as to your Dominant.
If sometimes this balance feels one-sided, open up your needs for discussion.
Final Thoughts
Being a good sub is not about perfection; it’s about growth, communication, and understanding your Dominant’s needs and your own. Keep in mind, every dynamic is different, so what works for me might not work for you. That’s all part of the journey.
Take these tips and use them as a starting point. Mold them into something that makes sense to you and your relationship.
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