Chokers, once the pinnacle of 90s fashion, have made a big comeback, and whether you love the trend or don’t, you’ve probably noticed them everywhere.
From catwalks to your local coffee shop, it’s not uncommon to pass somebody who’s wearing one. But to others, chokers hold a meaning much more profound than meets the eye. If you’ve ever wondered if that lace or leather choker has a hidden message, you’re not alone.
Let’s dive into the world of chokers, exploring their role in both fashion and the BDSM community. Spoiler: It’s not always what you think!
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Table of Contents
The Fashion and Symbolism of Chokers
For many, chokers are a cute accessory that can add an edge to any outfit. Beyond fashion, however, chokers-or collars-can mean so much more in BDSM circles. As someone who has been part of both the fashion world and the kink scene, I have literally seen how chokers blur the lines between the two.
Fashion chokers range from simple ribbon-like bands to elaborately designed ones, further embellished with gems or lace.
A choker has that snug fit on the neck that draws attention and adds a bold touch even to the most ordinary outfit.
In BDSM, however, a collar often represents a relationship dynamic, symbolizing commitment and power exchange between a Dominant and a submissive.
BDSM Collars vs. Fashion Chokers
So, does every choker qualify as a BDSM collar? No, definitely not. While all BDSM collars are chokers, it is important to make a differentiation that not all chokers are BDSM collars.
In the kink community, collars can be formal symbols of submission, and a “day collar” is often worn in public as a subtle nod to this dynamic. These are designed to look like regular jewelry – making it easier to wear them discreetly, whether you’re running errands or heading to work. I’ve personally worn day collars that looked so much like fashionable accessories, no one ever suspected they had a deeper meaning.
In contrast, fashion chokers are just that – fashion. Most people wear them simply because they’re trendy, not because they’re signaling a BDSM relationship.
How to Tell the Difference Between a Fashion Choker and a BDSM Collar
You might wonder how to tell if someone’s choker is just for fashion or whether the person is trying to send a subtle message about their lifestyle. Well, unless you know them or know the context, it’s tough to say.
It’s all about context. If you’re at a coffee shop and someone is wearing a velvet choker, odds are it is a fashion statement. But if you go to a kink event-for instance, a play party or a BDSM workshop-the meaning of that choker might run much deeper.
I remember attending my first kink event and seeing a woman wearing a delicate silver choker with a small lock pendant. To the untrained eye, it looked like a simple necklace. But among those in the know, it was clear that it was a day collar, symbolizing her submission to her partner.
Want to ask someone about their choker? If you know them well enough, go ahead and ask in a respectful, not judgmental kind of way. Just be prepared that not everyone may feel comfortable talking about their personal lifestyle in public.
What Does a Choker Mean at a Kink Event?
A choker, in the context of BDSM, is far more likely to be a day collar: To many submissives, a collar denotes commitment to their Dominant. At kink events you’ll get to see collars ranging from delicate pieces of jewelry to more ornate leather pieces.
At one particular event, I noticed how different each collar was, reflecting the unique dynamics of each relationship. There were couples where the submissive wore a sleek black ribbon, while others sported elaborate leather designs with locks. It’s a reminder that just like any accessory, the meaning behind a collar is deeply personal.
Wearing Chokers in Public: The Hidden Message
One of the great things about chokers is that they can be worn for self-expression without drawing any attention. You can wear a choker in public, and unless someone is part of the BDSM community, they most likely aren’t going to think anything of it. This allows those who are in a D/s relationship to have a “hidden in plain sight” kind of moment.
I have worn day collars to brunch with friends, while attending family gatherings, and even to work, and no one has ever said a word to me, though I’m sure there were a few curious glances. The beauty of a day collar is in its subtlety.
That said, not every choker you see out and about is a collar. If you spot someone in a trendy choker at 9 AM in line for coffee, they probably aren’t thinking about BDSM dynamics. And that’s okay! Not every accessory needs to have a deeper meaning.
Kink or Fashion? Understanding the Popularity of Chokers
It is pretty interesting how mainstream fashion borrows pieces from the alternative lifestyles of people. Much like how leather jackets and ripped jeans found their places in everyday fashion, transitioning from punk culture to high fashion, chokers found their place in fashion-from being edgy accessories to trendy ones.
This is a question of balance, in my mind. A choker can be that fashionable accessory that makes people confident or can be that strong symbol of submission. For many, it’s both of these things. That is what makes chokers so special: because through them, individuals can make some pretty profound expressions that become highly unique and personal.
Conclusion
Ultimately, a choker is what the wearer wants it to be. For some, it’s just a fun accessory. For others, it’s a sign of commitment in their BDSM relationship. What’s most important is to respect that each person’s reasons for wearing a choker are their own. If you’re curious, ask respectfully – and if you’re wearing one, enjoy the way it makes you feel, whatever that meaning may be.
So, the next time you see someone wearing a choker, whether it’s lace, leather, or velvet, remember that you never really know the story behind it – and that’s what makes it so intriguing.
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