When I first learned about cockwarming, I was intrigued. There are so many layers to BDSM, and this was one of those practices that just seemed quieter, more intimate-almost a meditation. It’s not like the harsher aspects of BDSM, say, spanking or playing with rope, and that is what makes it so unique.
If you’re unfamiliar with cock warming, don’t worry. At first, I hadn’t either, but it has grown into one of my favorite ways to connect with him.
In this article, I’m going to take you through what cockwarming is, how I’ve applied it within my own dynamic, and how you can try it for yourself.
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Table of Contents
What is Cockwarming?
Put simply, cockwarming is when one partner holds another’s penis inside them-whether that be vagina, anus, or mouth-without motion or thrust. The operative word here is stillness. It’s not really about the sex as much as it is about connection.
For me, cockwarming is a great way of staying present with my partner. The physical closeness of this act can be something that replaces the rush to sex, intimacy just in being with each other, the stillness speaking for itself.
Cockwarming by Dominant Woman vs. Dominant Man
There are different ways to approach cockwarming depending on who’s in control. In my experience, it can shift based on who’s taking the lead in the moment.
Dominant Woman: I have been in positions where, while sitting and watching TV or even reading, my partner sits on my lap and holds me inside her. She’s in control, deciding if or when anything more will happen. Teasing, but in the best way. She loves watching me squirm, knowing I can’t do a thing unless she gives the green light.
Dominant Man: By contrast, in my most dominant sessions, I stick my cock in her or her mouth and just stand still. It’s a light kind of power play. So, I can choose to escalate it more if I want to. There’s something so potent in just allowing the moment to hang there, holding the control without any active movement.
Types of Cockwarming
Once I began experimenting with cockwarming, I realized that, depending on the mood or dynamic we were in, there were different ways of enjoying it.
Post-Sex Cockwarming: Immediately after an orgasm, all I wanted sometimes was to just remain connected.
Instead of pulling out, I would just stay inside her as we lazily just lie around with each other. It’s like a cool-down while still having that touching intimacy. This sort of cockwarming feels comforting rather than sexual, almost as a means to extend the closeness we just made.
On the other hand, the cockwarming before sex is the most fantastic tease. A few times, I’m hard as rock and ready to go, but instead of jumping into it, I hold still. She begs and asks me to move, but that’s the fun. The longer I hold out, the more anticipation builds up. It’s all about the control for me and the tease.
Oral Cockwarming: For sure, this is one of my favorite things in the world. She takes me into her mouth and just holds me there without moving or actively trying to make me come. We may watch a movie or I work on my laptop and she kneels before me. There’s something so satisfying in that type of connection while focusing on other things.
The Emotional and Psychological Appeal of Cockwarming
Well, to me, cockwarming isn’t all about the act in itself. It’s emotionally and psychologically rewarding; that’s what makes it so appealing.
For Submissives: When my partner is in a submissive headspace, cockwarming helps her slip into subspace. It is generally quiet and meditative for her to focus exclusively on being present with me. She has said it serves to calm her mind to the point of acting almost like a form of mindfulness.
In some dynamics, especially DDLG relationships, cockwarming can act much like a form of comfort by using my body to comfort her.
What really works for me with this position, from the perspective of a Dominant, is that it makes me feel in control without having to engage in overtly active behavior. I could lie back, perhaps read or browse my phone, knowing my partner was there serving me in her own small way.
It was a subtle hint of the dynamic we shared-whereby I was in charge, yet I did not have to make a big show of that fact.
Practical Advice to Try Cockwarming
If you’re interested in cockwarming and you want to try it with your guy, here’s a few things that I have picked up along the way:
Communication and consent: As with anything related to BDSM, it all begins with talking about it. I make it a point to ask my partner how she feels about the idea before actually trying it out. Talk about what each one of you desires from the experience-just staying connected after sex, or using it as foreplay or submission.
Comfortable positions: With cockwarming, comfort is paramount, especially if one plans to maintain the position for a good amount of time. For post-sex cockwarming, spooning works best for us because it’s cozy, and both of us can just relax. If we do cockwarming while watching TV, she will often kneel in front of me or sit on my lap while I lounge on the couch. Find what works best for you, but make sure you’re both comfortable.
Time and Duration: Personally, I don’t think there’s a certain timing when it comes to warming the cock. It could take five minutes, half an hour. Some days, we do it just for a few minutes prior to having sex, which heightens anticipation. Other days, we stay connected longer, especially after sex when we’re just relaxing together.
When Is Cockwarming Typically Done?
One of the things I love about cockwarming is that it can fit into so many different parts of the day.
Here are a few times I’ve found work best for me:
Morning Cockwarming: There’s nothing better than waking up and her sliding under the covers to take me into her mouth. It’s just so soothing-perfectly the way to start a day, being able to stay connected while we wake up slowly.
Working or Watching TV: Sometimes when I’m working at my desk or watching TV, she’ll kneel in front of me and hold me in her mouth. It is a very quiet, subtle reminder of our dynamic. It’s perfect for when we want to keep the connection going, even while focusing on something else.
Public Events or Cockwarming in Front of People: A bit more adventurous, but I have considered trying this at a kink event or at a party. I have heard about people just literally sitting in the hot tub or at a party holding their partner inside them discreetly without anyone else knowing. A fun way to explore cockwarming in a semi-public setting, adding a little thrill to the dynamic.
Cockwarming as a Form of Punishment
One thing I’ve played with is using cockwarming as a form of teasing or punishment.
If my partner loves giving blowjobs, I have her hold me in her mouth without moving, knowing she wants to do more. It serves as a subtle way to tease and deny satisfaction, which gets her looking forward to when I eventually let her take control. It builds anticipation, and the eventual release is so much more satisfying.
While cockwarming may not be as well-acknowledged when placed against the many other practices of BDSM, it has simply been an amazing way through which I connect with my partner on deeper and more intimate levels. Whether we use it to unwind after having sex, build tension before, or simply maintain a quiet form of submission, cockwarming allows us to investigate dominance and submission in a new way.
Interested in trying cockwarming? Have an open conversation with your partner about it and just see where it takes you.
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